In Room 7 we have been learning how to write descriptively. We have been using a technique called show don't tell.
Here are some students show don't tell writing.
Try and guess what creature they are describing
Carl
Little, tiny, creepy crawly in the house. “ARRR,” Someone screamed. It echoed through the house. The creepy thing terrified me and made me feel like I was in a haunted house. I sprinted to my room as fast as a cheetah. I was so scared that I hid under my blanket. The creature was very hairy and it had eight legs.
Jakob
Its long tentacles stretch out to grab my submarine. It was the biggest sea creature I’ve ever seen. It was as long as the White House. Its eyes are eighteen inches in diameter. I scream as this huge creature crushes my submarine.
Holly
I sprint to the door of Animates and I look around.
‘Ooh,” I say unexpectedly.
I run over to the kittens and puppies.
“Awwwh!” I say shocked by the cuteness.
Then I see a tank, I casually walk over there, trying to calm down. I peer into the tank
“Looks pretty deserted to me” I say unhappily.
I start to walk over to the rabbits when a small critter swam into the corner of the tank.
“Hi little guy,” I say starstruck. I feel as happy as Jimmineny Cricket. It has scaly, wrinkly, yellowy greenish skin, a colourful bumpy shell and tiny arms and legs.
“Now thats what I call adorable and thats the pet I want to take home”
Sophiya
I get a glimpse of something in the corner of my eye. I turn around. It must of scuttled away. With its numerous eyes on me I almost faint like a statue.
I notice red spots. I recognise this poisonous creature from a book.
The fuzzy eight legged creature crawled under and out the door.
Daneka
“Splash.” What is that noise. All of the water was frozen. I was terrified and even worse, there were droppings all over the ice. Two big black eyes peered at me in the sunlight. The two black eyes were surrounded by an orange beak. The creature was gliding across the ice. It had soft black and white fur. All he did was waddle and glide.
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